This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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