i was born a porn star she said
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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