There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
