32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
