Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
