Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
