Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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