Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
