i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm bleeding and have questions
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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