i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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