Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
