one might say we're banned from that church
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
