last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
