Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
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i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
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I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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