she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
