If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
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