she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
