It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
