I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
