Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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