hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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