1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Randomize
