A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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