Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I touched a dick in church today
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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