so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
