Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
