i already hear my dad disowning me
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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