Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
