So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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