as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
