Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
