shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
