Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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