Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
