Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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