I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
