Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
