I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
