is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
