lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm eating all of the evidence.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
What a dumb baby whore.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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