So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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