shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
