I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize