do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
