and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize