Reggie can tackle my bush.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
