Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
