What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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