did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
