when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
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I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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