$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
