this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
