The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
