girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
