nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
