I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
