im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
