GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
