Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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