I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
